Race horse joke's

Joke 1

The nuns at a small convent were happy to learn that an anonymous donor had left his modest estate to them. Each nun had been left $50 in cash to give away as she saw fit.

Each nun announced how she would spend her bequest. Sister Catherine Ann decided to give her share to the first poor person she saw.

As she said this, she looked out the window and saw a man leaning against the telephone pole across the street, and he indeed looked poor.

She immediately left the convent and walked toward the man. He had obviously known better days. The good nun felt he had been sent by Heaven to receive her offering.

She pressed the $50 into the man's hands and said, "Godspeed, my good man."

As she left, the man called out to her, "What is your name?"

Shyly, she replied, "Sister Catherine Ann."

The following evening, the man returned to the convent and rang the bell. "I'd like to see Sister Catherine Ann," he said.

The nun at the door answered, "I'm sorry, but I cannot disturb her right now. She's in the chapel. May I give her a message?"

"Yes," said the man gleefully. "Give her this $100 and tell her Godspeed came in second at Belmont."

Joke 2

The trainer was giving last minute instructions to the jockey and appeared to slip something into the horse's mouth just as a steward walked by. "What was that?" inquired the steward. "Oh nothing" said the trainer, "just a lump of sugar". He offered one to the steward and had one himself. After the suspicious steward had left the scene the trainer continued with his instructions "Just keep on the rail. You are on a certainty. The only thing that could possibly pass you down the home straight is either the steward or me".


Joke 3

Mary Lou

This man was sitting quietly reading his paper one morning, peacefully enjoying himself, when his wife sneaks up behind him and whacks him on the back of his head with a huge frying pan.
He asks, "What was that for?"

She replies, "What was that piece of paper in your pants pocket with the name Marylou written on it?"

He says, "Oh honey, remember two weeks ago when I went to the horse races? Marylou was the name of one of the horses I bet on."

She is appeased and goes off to work around the house. Three days later he is once again sitting in his chair reading and she repeats the frying pan swatting.

He says, "What's that for this time?"

She answered, "Your horse called."

Joke 4 (this is not like lagh you but off funny but it's OK)

The tipster said this horse would walk in. It did, but all the others galloped.

I bet on a great horse yesterday! It took seven horses to beat him.

The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the trip.

Joke 5


A woman went to a psychiatrist and said she was in great distress over her husband.
"He thinks he's a horse. He sleeps standing up and he neighs instead of speaking.
He even insists on being fed oats in a bag." said the woman

"It's terrible!"

"How long has this been going on?" asked the doctor.

"Six, maybe eight months." she replied.

"You have let things go too far," said the doctor.

"Your husband will require a great deal of treatment
and it will be very expensive."

"I don't care about the expense," said the wife.

"I will pay you anything, anything at all to make my husband stop thinking he's a horse."

"But it will cost many thousands of dollars, can you afford this amount of money?" asked the doctor.

"Why of course we can," said the woman. "He's already won three races this season at Aqueduct Racetrack."