Time to live it up and stop worrying about the past... (M)

I shrugged, climbing into my seat "I don't care; where do you want to go?"

((SSS))

"Hmm...How about the new place in town? I heard it's suppose to be really good." I say as we head down the driveway. A sigh escapes me as I look out at the property. Just a few years ago I was trying to end my life and now look at what I have accomplished. I think to myself. So many things have gone right for me and I realize just how wrong I was to try and end it all.

I nodded and started down the road, thinking of what to say. One part of me wanted to hold her hand, another said kiss her while another said do nothing.

My thoughts wander as I start thinking about Ryan, wanting so bad for him to know how much he means to me. I open my mouth to tell him then quickly switch to a different topic as we near the restaurant. "So I have a question..." I start and look at him, a smile on my face.

I turned my gaze over to her for a moment, then whipped my head back to the road. "Yeah?" I asked.

I catch his eyes for a second before he turns back to the road, butterflies hit me. "Which horse do you think will win the Derby? Sanctus, Hammerdowndash, or Leadingtime?" I ask knowing he's not expecting it. "I'm just curious as to what you think. I think I'm bias as Sanctus and Hammer were sired by 2 of my studs. I mean I know the odds are ok against them, but I have a good feeling about all 3 of them placing. I feel like Hammer will win it, though." At just 2 years old, this is the first big race of their careers. "I hope they all do good, though." I know exactly what will happen if they don't do well enough for their owners and I have to put it in the back of my mind.

I wasnt expecting that question soI stuttered "Y-yeah Hammer." As we pulled into the parking lot I opened the door for her.

((Want to time skip to when they get back to her house?))

((Sure))

"Dinner was amazing. Thank's Ryan." I say looking over to him as we pull into the drive and up to the house. It was amazing too. One of the best Italian restaurants I have ever been too besides the real stuff in Italy. Ahh how I miss it over there. Simply because of the horses and training I did for one client that flew me out, all expenses paid. I think to myself as I remember. I hop out of the truck as he opens the door and head inside. The first thing I do is let the girls in from the backyard then make my way half way up the stairs before I stop. "You coming?" I ask Ryan with a somewhat flirty smile. I'm gonna tell him tonight. I think waiting for his answer.

I followed her but paused at the bottom of the stairs and looked up at her. I actually got butterflies as she smiled at me. I was going to tell her, tonight. Then I stuttered "O-oh yeah." Then I started up the stairs quickly.

Knowing it's time for bed, the dogs race up stairs to the bedroom before I can even reach the top. I laugh a little at them and feel Ryan come up behind me as I turn around to make my way to my room. "I'm gonna shower real quick." I say heading for the bathroom. Closing the door behind me, I turn the lights and water on. I quickly undress and slip into the shower. After I'm all clean, I hop out and throw a towel around me before walking back into my room. I smile at Ryan seeing his face and make my way to my walk in closet that holds both our clothes. I grab a t-shirt, cheer shorts, and a thong then dress quickly before walking back out. The dogs are all sprawled out on the floor as I make my way to the bed, stepping over them.

I sat down on her bed and nodded, waiting patiently for her to finish. I tried not to watch as she came out in her towel, but ended up watching her every move. Then pushed Duke down as he tried to jump up onto the bed. I quickly looked back to Rhylie as she walked out of the closet.

I lay down beside him and prop my head up with my arm on the pillows. I stay silent for a minute thinking of what to say and how to bring it up. "It was a pretty good day." I say trying to break the silence.

I looked to Rhylie, not sure what to say. I looked down for a moment until she spoke, bringing my gaze up to her eyes. "Yeah..." I said, still not sure how to bring it up.

My hand lightly strokes his back then moves to his arm. I watch my hand for a second then make eye contact again. "Ryan...I...I don't know how to say this." I pause for a minute sitting up and looking away. "I've been running it through my brain and trying to fight it, but I can't fight my feelings anymore. I'm in love with you." I finally spit it out quickly catching his eyes again. My heart beats fast as I watch his face and wait for his response.

My skin tingled as she rubbed my back and arm. I looked into her eyes as she spoke, my eyes lighting up with happiness. "Y-you are? I-i am too! Well with you. That's what I've been wanting to say and why I was jealous." My heart beat was beating a mile a minute and I looked at her.

"Really?! I've been in love with you for a while. I guess I just didn't realize it until recently. Ryan I love you. You're my everything." I say genuinely then lean over and kiss him before he can respond.

"Rhylie, I love y-" I began but was ct off by her kiss. I was still for just a moment before I brought my hand to her cheek, holding her there gently.

My heart beats wildly, skin gets hot, and a weird sensation runs through me as he touches my face. I slowly make him turn so he's facing me as my hand claws his back and our kiss turns passionate.

I took slow, deep breaths as the kiss went on. I moved my hands to her shoulders and pulled her closer to me as she clawed my back. I scoot forward a it bit so ours bodies were pressed together.

My mind is going in a million different directions as we kiss and he presses out bodies together. I want more, to go further, but thoughts of those nights come flooding back and I pull away. "I'm sorry." I say and sigh. I give him a short kiss and small smile before laying down on my back looking at the ceiling.

I sighed lightly the longer we kissed. Then as she all of a sudden pulled away I looked at her, then seeing something was wrong. I frowned and asked "What's wrong?"

"I really want to do more and be the perfect girl for you, but I don't know how to be that girl when I'm so damaged. The images of those nights keep replaying in my head and it makes me not be able to get close to anyone like that because of it." I say and sigh. "I can't shake it no matter how hard I try to get past it."

I sighed and shook my head "You are the perfect girl, Rhylie. Don't tell yourself other wise, your perfect in more than a million ways. I want you to remember that ok?" I asked, my eyes locked onto hers.

((If you don't mind me asking: what were those nights XD))

I look over at him wanting to believe it. "Yeah." I say after a minute, but he could tell by my voice I didn't believe it. I quickly look away a tear running down my face.

((She was molested my her step father starting at age 10.))

I sighed, hearing she didn't believe it. But I dropped it, hoping she'd think about it. I scooted over and wrapped my arm around her shoulders gently and slowly. Then I kissed the top of her head and laid my head on hers.